i understand that i shouldn't bring my emotions to work but i just cant help it, the more i dun want to bring it the more i'll think of it. i guess i still cant make to a professional yet as dun bring other things like emotions to work. although it's just a simple few sentences, it keep running through my head, that's the hardcore. yes there's still hope for me a tiny little string of hope. i will hold on to it still just that i wont do anything till the date i set for myself as the finals, but of course thanks for the little hope that she gave me.
what fate or love at first sight... i dun really wanna think bout it already or even believe it. my estimation for relationship things is the worst part ever... none of it get me right before. so many things i wish to happen it just turn out the other way. maybe im not that kind of guy who knows how to deal with these things. most of the ppl do... well but i dont. yet many ppl comment bout me good things, sigh i know i am what i am it just that i dunno how to express myself most of the time to someone. express myself or even just find a simple topic is the hardest thing i find in a conversation.
i dunno how long this will take me to go through though, maybe a month or 2 or maybe a year? time is really unknown to me for sure it will takes me a while mayb more than a while. i know crying cant solve anything or do anything with it but sometimes just cant hold on to my eyes get wet a little right? unless im a robot. at the mean time i try to deal with the emotions the most priority things i need to aim for. i guess i have too many sentimental song to make my eyes wet from time to time. i wonder it's there any songs that can help me hold up my tears? joking.. maybe hearing those sentimental songs might help me get stronger? who knows.. anyway i shud stop here.. thanks for reading and take care my friends...
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Monday, August 25, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Saturday early morning, around 5am.. i called Wei Lee and finally i get all my courage to ask some questions which keep in my mind for quite some time. yes the answer it's sure is painful but it still better than longer pain than short 1 right? =) and yes dun worry bout me im totally fine with it of coz im so ready for the bad news since the beginning of the week haha somehow i juz felt something not right, and something that leads me to know this, something that science cant explain bout it if i may say.anyway i really had a great chat with her truly =).and yet we're still very gd friends ^^here i truly says thank you to Wei Lee for helping me made this decision with the deepest of my heart =D now i guess i can leave those thing behind for now... till i get back msia and see how's things go ;). so yea the whole night i din the to sleep and still awake like normal days... dunno how i will do when afternoon or evening haha.
during the morning weekly tavern chat... i started to not feeling that well, but im ok after a short while nap.. hehe and things seems to be going smoothly after although not everything is as i planned but yea what the hell haha i really wish i had Grissom's mind (csi Las Vegas the leader) every csi leader in those 3 series always amazed me =p coz sometimes i also stuck coz i thinking in the box and not out of the box. (hope u guys know wad i trying to say).
in the morning i go for a walk in the shopping center, it does gives me some memory bout the last time i went out with her.. from wad i think, i need to face it myself although it's kinda heartache sometimes. that's the hardest thing i need to go through for now. i think that's bout it for this blog.. thanks for reading and take care my friends.. always miss u guys ;)
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
there we go 2 weeks with Chef Armando's guide in production kitchen had ended today. On Thurs production kitchen have their own little "garlic festival" well not really the festival that we went last time haha... i had to process so much garlic that the wood part had started to have mold more than 20heads of garlic need to be process. well tat din really take much time... Ania and Kiel help out too =). and Friday we start to prepare some of the exam box for the students. i can say it's not much things to do, coz we dun hv any more demo or practical trays to do as the final class had just finished today we're all good to go. =D
as this 2 weeks passed, wei lee's exam shuda over. i dunno what my mind thinking... just all of a sudden i lost most of the feelings or maybe confident which is really weird. can it be the background thing still in my mind? hmm... hope things in my mind can be answered today with the call... and of coz hope for the call can be reach, wish me luck!!
Friday after work, i head back home. and watch csi series.. who knows i been awake by the vibrate of the bass again... i guess im too near with the wall, but nvm that... i on my music try to ignore it and lying on bed. the worst part came... my friends dunno they argue or doing some kind of chatting =.= triple ways sound comes into my mind.. man tat sure is 1 hell of a evening. im totally pissed and go for a walk in the park.. hearing the wind and river is much much more better than the sound polution =.= really like hell. i would be very very happy if they're having class today. after work i really need to have some time to relax and those interups juz come one after another, you can imagine how hard i fought through well not physical... juz mentally haha. still have around 5-6 hours till i call her... sigh dunno i can wait till that time or not.. oh well, everything is worth for a try =) it's friday afterall =p okay i guess i shud stop here... lastly but not least i wish all my friends who going to have exams next week good luck =)
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
When I walking to my school... a nice full moon hanging on the sky still right in front of my apartment entrance I thought it’s gonna be a normal Monday. Well it start off like usual, I prepare fruit plate for the staff in the morning. Nothing special on that... but after that I help out Kiel to bring some item from the freezer, I dunno why I would forgot about the stairs near the freezer and I was walking backwards as I carrying the item with Kiel, the fall wasn’t that bad I would say but my elbow getting little pain after a while till I realise I had a small scratch there maybe I knocked it on the floor when I fell.
After that I look on the list that what we need to be done for the day, and I’m always in charge of the stock making and rotate the stock, and I remembered there’s some veal bones came on Friday thawing in the fridge, and of course I start my veal stock right away and rotate some stock. When I move into the fridge few box of cream fell on the floor... Worst come to worst 1 of the cream spilled quite a mess there, nvm that, din take much time to clear and I continue with my work. I started the stock with roasting the bones till brown. I dunno why I totally forgot about it; usually I remember to check once in a while so the bones won’t get too dark or burned taste. Today I just lost myself few bones I need to throw away to preventing the burned taste which some chef complained about last time which I over roast the bones, that goes for another mistake I made today. I was told to do the duck confit (a duck leg cook in very low temperature with lots of duck fat) and I need to check the temperature once in a while too I just dunno why I could concentrate today, I did check for a certain of time... when I start to do other things I’m totally forgot about it too... luckily it was on very low fire although the fat was boiling a bit it almost to the finish product. Nevertheless I made lots of mistake today, kind of frustrated and tired of what I did those simple mistake. The worst thing is I worked till I forgot about the lunch time that Hisako who usually help us out in production and I need to go with her cause she still a student which can’t have meals on the staff place unless she’s in production helping or something like that, I only realise it’s over 1pm when she told me that she’s starving. Feel so sorry about it.
I really dunno why, I just not in a good mood today. Things din went well, these and that very frustrating. Back at home, I thought of finishing my movie in crunchyroll.com but there’s no connection on my new laptop meanwhile the old 1 which I on 24/7 for torrents download still having connection. I dunno what’s going on, it just a very bad day for me. Then I just go for a nap with my music on, and there’s some dude upstairs on the music... not loud but the bass he turn is really high, I can hear the bass bumping that awake me. Sigh things just go on and on, really wish today can end fast. Look at the clock now it’s only 7pm, still got few hours more till I get to bed. Well just hope connection will be back to normal by tomorrow. Take care guys..
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
personally i would think the time is getting bit slower than the usual i passed... it still fast enough for a day.. a week hmm.. would say so, coz after a day of work i sit down watch shows... and start thinking lots of stuff. so yea.. this week or 2 weeks should be my toughest week of the year... or so far i've been through.. yet it's not about the things here.. juz what's in my mind running around think about all those thing which i din really need to think that much. things like should i be more honest during the chat with her?.. or should i wait till the right time comes? i would probably feel bad if i act now.. but the feelings.. it's really kinda killing me specially the last called the background chat (not with me of course) still in my mind and things tat is oredi history.. i shudn't bring all this up into my mind. but i juz couldn't help it.
yes this week we're working without Chef Christopher, Chef Armando is taking care of us... not much problem happening.. all went smoothly. till Wednesday, Kiel come to school as usual.. but he's terribly sick and surprisingly no student who scheduled on the timetable come neither to the volunteer student. so it's me and Ania, Jacqueline working in the kitchen while Chef Armando having class in the afternoon but yet Chef Armando help us out a bit on the staff meal, meanwhile i take charge of the chef's demo and of coz the practical class. miraclely we finish as usual time.. probably i think not much extra work we need to done tat day.. pretty glad that day is over. oh and of course thanks to Kiel leave the duty list for us to view too... it really helped me some.
Saturday, Chef Armando asked me to help him on the short courses going on each 2 weeks.. i really glad to help Chef Armando he's a great chef and mentor, from him i learn lots of ways to do plating too so yea it helped alot for me. somehow by back it's abit "naughty" that afternoon it get a lil uncomfortable or the small ache is going on the place that i injurt my back last time or long time ago (back in msia) so yea when i get back, i did something for it.. feeling better now =) im glad that Hisako, friend that came to help Chef Armando for the practical class i dun think i can hang on till evening today.
last but not least, i still rmb those things i chatted with Wei Lee, things are like going roundabout in my head.. it just keep repeating although it's neither very good or bad. and everytime i saw her picture i really miss her smile, her graceful smile that gives me a very sweet memory. i really wish to see that at least once more when i go back... cause i dun really see that in her display picture in friendster (not too much info about it, sorry) so yea i think u guys might get the idea.. that's how i felt it. day and night.. and back to the movie of back to the future.. if i have a time-machine it would be great haha (daydreaming). yet BoA - Love Letter that song ways touched my heart so deeply i would have cried thinking of Wei Lee... but yet it's a really nice song definately will recomment to every1 =) okay i think i should stop here.. try not to write too long later my friends complain having hard time to read.. haha joking =x cya guys and take care and of course thanks for reading =)
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
saturday night i called her.. im really really happy to hear from her.. the happiness that i dont even know how to describe. but im just unhappy about the background chat at the saturday night.. then she told me she's bz at the moment call her later on.. so yea the background thingy keep bothering me which i also duno why >_> there's some words then encourage me back somehow i felt it. (not bout the background chat of coz) 1st time i cant remember what i chat with her.. i think the background chat plus i juz woke up at 4am for the call makes me cant rmb much >.<>_< cant wait till i get back to msia meet her T.T!! well here i wish her all the best to her exam... starting on this monday till next week.. best regards from JH =)
2moro starting a week in production without chef Christopher.. but still got chef Armando take over for the time being =) hope things go well... and i get to do cheese plate this week for the American chef come for training it's a whole new thing for me.. wish to see how it present it =D
oh yea yesterday me and my friends went to Perth Garlic Festival. Kiel, Shaikha, Fei, Rahim and me in a group... Kiel do the demostration for the folks while we prepare more food in the kitchen at the back... pretty fun actually. and of coz Victor, Chloe and Nicholas in another group, and they went for the demostration 1st, they were really good in explaining things and do the demostration =) coz i really suck at it haha i prefer do work in the kitchen... juz cook like Harold in Top Chef season 1 said =p he really impressed me alot. hope 1 day i can be as good as he is >.<
anyway my friends i think i shud stop here... take care ya..!! miss u all alot =) mayb can start countdown 1 year from now... =x anyway all the best!!!
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
sigh... normal day in school time passed real quick which is good.. but back home.. time start to slow down.. or time moving really slowly more like slow motion >_> and yes specially night time.. lol i really dunno wad i can do to kill time at night. after work mayb i can play some online game a while and now my friends dun hv much class coz of exam coming soon =( so yea.. basically i dun think i can gaming with shared internet sad eh?... as time goes by.. it's already thursday tomorrow.. hmm.. 1 more day to friday ^^ (well i guess u guys know what im happy for =p) hope everything will go well on that God please be with me for once...!! =x lol (i dun think they will come.. as in i dun believe in It =x)
As Chef Christopher told me.. the American chefs is coming for training next week plus Chef Christopher is on vacation. well let's just hope nth disaster will happen.. and of course Chef Armando will take over for the week haha how can we survive without a chef take over the duty =x couldn't bare to imagine.. xD anyway Chef Armando it's a very nice chef too and his carving is.. SUPERIOR!!! no matter fruits or ice carving.. it will like real things after he carved very very impressed =p. i would say almost every chefs here impressed me haha feel so great to be here, learning with them will be the best part too! they loved to share their experience.. and knowledge.. that's the best part of all for me =D
oh yea... this week the staff meal cook having a week vacation.. so yea we have a little bit more work then usual... well Ania took over the position.. just that from what i thought and see her organization not really good. she always need some volunteer students to help her out. and from my opinion when she stressed out which i dunno why, the way she called or maybe order ppl to do things might be a little rude =x (just my own opinion) oh well she'll finish her work-study program very soon =x haha din really mind bout it =p.
i guess i should stop here for now.. hehe dunno wad to write d.. ciaossu!! take care yah my friends!! miss u all so much...!!! hope 1 year time will passed quickly.. =(
»-(¯`v´¯)´¯)-»
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
sorry bout that guys.. i wish to post this blog long time ago but keep forgetting it =x. anyway last week Wei Lee replied my msn msg which i left it a while ago.. so yea i got her number from there too ^^ so glad till my usual evening nap take, i juz cant get myself sleep or rest.. my mind it's just stop thinking stuff... oh man.. so yea i planned to call her that Saturday but who knows... she had some sort of lecturer from other place came for a visit.. and she had to go for the class that day.. sigh.. hopefully i get to talk to her this week then >.< *tied crossed fingers like Benet said* XD
oh yea few days ago.. in the morning as im on my way to school.. there's few crow like trying to tell me something... then i din know they really do O.O as i reach school and just rmb i left my uniform at home! so yea well i need to go back and get it.. not tat far luckily =)
and again... the Friday MORE crows... then i start to think.. hmmm did i missing something at home?.. well nop and i reach school do my job blah blah blah.. THEN the problem came.. Kiel checking the demos n practical for class... one of it missing a recipe for demo and practical.. and it's on that afternoon! well we did have some rush in the morning.. haha sort of lucky we got a volunteer student, Philip help us out ^^ and the way went well after that =p peace
and i cant stop thinking about Wei Lee even more after she msg me >.< and i think i juz get worst than usual o.o and of coz by the way thanks for the support guys ^^ really really appreciate it!! take care and all the best to you all!!
